


Kinsey what?

by asamandra



Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Asexual Natasha, Assumed Relationship, Intervention, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 16:39:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asamandra/pseuds/asamandra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team thinks Clint is together with Natasha... and when they see him with a guy they assume that he cheats on her...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kinsey what?

**Author's Note:**

> This prompt on avengerkink: [Team, gay!Clint and ace!Natasha](http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/17385.html?thread=39073257#t39073257)
> 
> When they're not on a mission, Clint and Natasha live out of each others' pockets. She wears around his clothes (he would too but they don't fit him), they read each others' books, clean each others' weapons, automatically swap Clint's pickles for Natasha's onions when they get burgers, etc. So, naturally, the other Avengers all assume they're sleeping together.
> 
> Which is funny, really, because Clint's gay and Natasha's asexual.

“Just checking, I'm pretty sure there was beer here,” Clint giggled and wriggled himself out of Jared's arms. 

“I don't need beer,” the other man whispered and followed Clint.

“But I've promised you beer.” Clint turned and kissed him again. Together they entered the kitchen on the communal floor and when the light went on, _thanks, Jarvis!_ , they stood in front of the assembled Avengers minus Natasha.

“Oh, hi guys.” Clint grinned and they could clearly hear that the archer wasn't sober.

“Who are those guys?” Jared asked, warily, looking from Clint to the others and back.

“Jared, that are Steve and Tony and Bruce and Thor. That's the guys I've told you about.” Clint pointed at each one, still grinning. “Why are you lurking in the dark kitchen, guys?”

“We were waiting for you,” Steve said with his disapproving face and voice.

“We need to talk to you,” Bruce added and now Clint seemed as confused as Jared.

“Okay, what are we talking about?” He hopped onto the counter, pulling Jared close and wrapped his arms around his shoulder and his legs around his waist. Steve's face got even sourer. 

“About you cheating,” Steve said and Jared turned violently.

“What? You...” He started.

“What?” Clint asked at the same time, interrupting the other man. “Me cheating? I've never cheated...” And when he saw the other man's appalled expression, he added, “Babe, I swear I've never cheated on you.” 

“Not on him, with him,” Steve spat. 

“Wait, wait, wait. I don't get it.” Clint shook his head and looked at his teammates, ignoring Jared's accusing glare. “With whom do I cheat on whom?” 

“You cheating with this guy on your girlfriend.” Bruce said.

“You have a girlfriend?” Jared asked and wrestled himself out of Clint's hold.

“I have... what? Which girlfriend? What the fuck are you blabbering about? Jared, please stay.” Clint held the other man's hand who tried to leave.

“You know, redhead, Russian, pretty...” Tony said and glared at Clint. They expected everything but not that he burst out in laughter.

“You think Natasha is my girlfriend?” He turned to Jared, “They think Nat and me...” and now the other man seemed relieved. 

“She's not?” Thor asked and now it was them who seemed confused. 

“Hell, no!” Clint grinned and pulled Jared back into his embrace. “Why would I be together with Nat?” 

“Because you always stick together?” Tony threw in.

“Geez, Stark. We're friends. Like you and Rhodes.” He turned to Steve, “Like you and Bucky. Just friends.” 

“Just friends? She wears your clothes and I'm pretty sure if they would fit you would wear hers, too.” Tony said and Jared turned to glare at Clint.

“She has nice clothes,” Clint shrugged, “and I have lots of comfortable shirts, why shouldn't she borrow some?”

“Last week you cleaned Natasha's weapons and she reads your books.” 

“Yeah? I've read your books, too, Stark. Are we together now?” Tony glowered at the younger man.

“What about the thing with the burgers?” Steve asked.

“Which thing?” 

“You swap your pickles for Natasha's onions.” 

“I don't like pickles and Nat doesn't like onions.” Clint explained. 

“And what about...” Tony wanted to continue but now Clint interrupted him.

“So, your point is, because Nat wears my clothes and we clean each others weapons and swap pickles and onions we're together. Are you nuts?” 

“What should we think?” Bruce asked.

“Okay, guys. Me and Nat, we're friends. Very close friends, I'll admit that but nevertheless, just friends. There never was anything between us nor will be because I'm Kinsey six and she's not even in the list. Okay? I'm together with Jared since two years now and I've planned to introduce you when things have settled down a bit.”

“Kinsey what?” Steve and Thor were confused and Bruce turned to them.

“Kinsey six, that means exclusively homosexual,” he explained.

“What do you mean Natasha's not in the list?” Tony asked and Clint sighed. 

“Okay, but if one of you ever tells Nat that I've told you this, I'll hunt you down and you'll die a horrible and painful death,” he said and when the others nodded he continued. “Nat's asexual. If it's necessary she has sex, true. But never because she's attracted to someone. Even if I weren't gay there wouldn't be anything than friendship between the two of us.”

“Why didn't you tell us?” Steve asked and Clint cocked his head.

“Because what I do in my bedroom is my business and sure as hell not yours. And what do you expect? A friendly 'Hi, I'm Clint and I'm gay.' Really? Oh, and by the way, you didn't tell me that you're straight either.” Clint lifted one brow, Tony started to cackle and Steve blushed.

“So. Anything else we need to talk about?” Clint asked and then the others shook their heads.

“Good, because there are some things I need to do to Jared now,” he evilly grinned and watched Bruce and Steve blush violently. “You don't mind if he stay's for breakfast, do you?”

“What? No... no, that's okay.” Tony nodded and Clint left with Jared. 

“God, this was so embarrassing, Cap. If you ever pull me into one of your moral stunts again, I swear I'll color your spangly pants bright pink,” Tony muttered and left as well. 

“But... but I thought...” Steve stuttered when Bruce and Thor followed Tony. “But... guys?”

**Author's Note:**

> [asamandra on tumblr](http://asamandra.tumblr.com/)


End file.
